So let me set the scene for you: it's 8:30 on a cloudy Saturday morning in central Long Island and I'm running across the parking lot of the Hauppauge Ramada Inn toward my very first past-life regression. I am clutching my bed pillow and the belief that something fabulous is going to happen.
Am I excited? How do I answer that question without hurting your ear drums? I am so far beyond excited that it's downright embarrassing. I've already told you about my still-futile ghost hunt but I had high hopes for the past-life regression. I am there with my four favorite writer friends and I'm wide open to anything that might spark a new book idea and maybe open a window to a whole other world of experience.
The whole thing was Bettye's idea. She knew the trance medium (I'm not sure if it's trans-medium or trance medium) and vouched for the woman's integrity. All we had to do was bring our pillows and trust the process.
Hey, I can do that!
After introductions, we are told to lie down on the floor of the conference room and get comfortable. Comfortable? Was she kidding? My heart was thumping so crazily I could barely catch my breath. I felt like I was on the verge of Something Big. Michelle was scared to death. Darlene was skeptical. Connie was silent. Bettye was her usual ebullient, enthusiastic self.
"Okay," said the medium, "now that you're settled, let's do a few relaxation exercises."
Oh, come on. I'm not here to relax. I can relax at home. I can relax in the coffee shop. Let's get moving.
But the exercises worked and suddenly I found myself drifting toward sleep. The medium's voice snapped me back into the moment.
"Now we begin," she said. "We'll start at the bottom . . . your feet . . . see your feet the way they were . . . "
That's more like it. I knew exactly what I was going to see: dainty feet in glass high-heeled slippers. What else? I mean, I knew deep in my heart that there was a beautiful 18th century English heroine with a score of eager suitors lurking deep inside me waiting to get out.
Imagine my surprise when I saw two enormous work boots instead! I was horrified. Work boots? What in the name of romantic fantasy was going on? Whose past life was this anyway?
The medium was oblivious. "Now we'll see your ankles and calves," she said.
Oh, great. I saw worn and filthy trousers over thick ankles and we all know that no self-respecting heroine ever had thick ankles. What a disaster this was turning out to be. She worked our way up the body and I got more depressed with every part revealed. No dainty ballgown-wearing damsel for me. I was a man. And an ugly one at that! I was a big, rough-hewn, foul-tempered Swedish coal miner.
Believe it or not, things went downhill from there. She told us to age ten years. "Where are you?" she asked. "What are you?"
I was finally getting married. My wife hated me but she had no choice. She was as homely and old as I was. I saw us on our wedding night and I was a rough and uncaring lover who made her cry. I didn't care. I sat by the fireplace and smoked a pipe. Even my dog didn't like me.
"Fast forward another twenty years," the medium instructed and I see myself sitting by the same fireplace, still smoking a pipe. My dog is dead. My wife is dead. I lost a leg in a mining accident. I am bitter, miserable, and alone.
Hey, I want my money back! Where are my ball gown and slippers and handsome suitors? This isn't what I came here for. I don't want to be a one-legged Swedish coalminer with a bad attitude.
When it was over (and not a minute too soon, I might add) the medium asked us to sit in a circle and share our experiences. I knew what was coming. My friends were all Queen Elizabeth I and Marie Antoinette and Madame Pompadour in their past lives and would share a big laugh at my misadventure.
I couldn't have been more wrong. Michelle froze in the middle of her regression and snapped out of the reverie. She was the 19th century wife of a powerful man who didn't love her and she died in childbirth. (Footnote: one year later Michelle voluntarily had a tubal ligation. She was thirty-three.) Connie was a highly-paid call girl who lived in a penthouse apartment. The walls were white, the furniture was white, her clothes were white. Susan was a World War II fighter pilot. Bettye was a scribe for Queen Hatshepsut. And Darlene? She was nothing. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't come up with a single past life. The more the medium worked with her, the angrier she got and she exploded in rage at the rest of us an hour later in the coffee shop.
What does it all mean? I've spent a lot of time over the years wondering about exactly that. Am I a believer? Well, I'm not a dis-believer but the jury's still out on the experience. I'm one-quarter Swedish. The man who lived next door to us when I was a little girl had a wooden leg. The week before the past-life regression Sixty Minutes ran a story about female coalminers. Were those the triggers that sparked a little other-worldly fiction in this writerly brain or was it a coincidence?
Any ideas?
Barbara Bretton
We follow the mystics. They know where they are going. They, too, go astray, but when they go astray they do so in a way that is mystical, dark, and mysterious.
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